Anonymous: I am an advocate because I support sanity and mental health. I started my page because I grew up and lived in a culture in which ‘it’ was always someone else’s fault and ‘it’ could be anything; negative emotions, misery, life going wrong. Blame was normal, shame was normal and mental health and sanity were foreign concepts. Screaming, chaos, anger, fear was ‘normal life.’ Alcohol allowed my escape from this during my teenaged years.
After getting sober, some years after college – I saw the same systems around me even though I was no longer in my old household. People were still shaming others, blaming others, throwing anger onto others, using emotional blackmail. In fact, even in college, my roommates and I did it to each other. It was just insanity.
Now in my own home, and shortly after going into 12 Step recovery for other peoples’ drinking, I realized the problem was systemic – at least in my world – because it wasn’t just about dealing with ‘alcoholics’ in my life, but about dealing with the world that supported dysfunctional systems. In my own household at the time I saw it so clearly. He would say a thing to wound me and I’d naturally need to wound him back. And it ping-ponged and degraded. (And this made sense at the time, despite the fact it hurt like hell. Of course, today I look back and grimace as to how it could have ever made sense.)
And I saw this unhealthy validation everywhere: TV, movies, songs, pop-culture, and even in ‘recovery’ circles. I saw that these dysfunctional systems were being supporting everywhere (hyperbole), either tacitly or explicitly.
And this is why I started this page; Just because the world’s gone Codependent or you currently have ideas or only have knowledge of tools that support codependent systems does not mean you’re ‘crazy.’ I prefer the term, ‘confused’ and confusion can be undone with clarity.
Codependency is placing your happiness, autonomy, well-being, in the hands of another person. It can take the form of being the “Controller” [tools: shaming, blaming, anger] or the “Controlled” [tools: people-pleaser, eggshell walker, fear].
No matter which version you may be or can even be blended to be, Codependency is a sickness [think dis-ease] so pervasive, that many of us have learned to communicate and relate only using these tools.
Codependent Recovery offers other tools; Tools that enable us to have self-respect, happiness, authenticity and peace. Join us!